Men and women are both, of course, hurt when a partner cheats on them. The things they focus on, however, tend to be different. Men feel betrayed when their female partners betray their exclusive physical access to intimacy with them. Women tend to be more betrayed by the emotional component. The affection, attention, and commitment meant for them being given to other women seems to hurt more than the actual physical interaction.
I’m not here to debate morality. It is generally accepted that men have a more powerful and instinctively motivated sex drive than women. In a long term relationship or marriage spanning several years, it is common for passion and sexual chemistry to decline and fade. As the bond between them deepens and intense infatuation evolves into steady, secure commitment, many women lose motivation to please their partner sexually and may lose interest in sex altogether.
When a man is still experiencing a healthy and frequent desire for sex, while their partners lose interest and stop prioritizing satisfying those desires, what are they to do? Many of my clients are married men. The love, obligation, and duty they feel toward their wives remains intact, but the sexual rejection and withholding of physical affection can take a huge psychological and physical toll.
Some men, feeling they are being denied the physical expression of love they expected and constantly feeling the natural urge to engage in sexual activity, may seek out an affair partner. Affairs meet their sexual needs, but come with a host of emotional entanglements and psychological betrayals. Their affection, attention, and emotional support accompany the fulfillment of their sexual desires. When emotions get involved, these extramarital relationships can become risky, complicated, and more likely to seriously impact the bond between them and their primary partner.
As an escort, I see many married men. Married men who, for all intents and purposes, still want to remain with their wives and keep their families intact. If their wives were willing to participate in sexual encounters with them with enthusiasm, many of these men would never meet me. Because their wives either refuse to explore and fulfill the natural desires weighing on them, they find an option available to them where they can have these needs satisfied without the added betrayal of an emotional commitment with another woman.
Married men are my favorite clients. They understand the professional nature of our relationship and recognize that my role in their lives serves limited function. My purpose is narrow and specific. I simply satisfy the sexual needs they cannot get met elsewhere, at least not without an emotional component. Their emotional needs are met by their wives. Their hearts remain with her and they do not wish to find emotional intimacy and closeness with anyone else. The exchange between us is direct and simple. The mechanical satisfaction of his needs is accomplished before he goes on his way. They do not contact me outside of booking a session. There is no romantic tone or passionate flair to our encounters. They may be fond of me or find my services exceptional, but there is no deeper bond between us. Everything except this one aspect of their lives remains exclusively for their wife.
I won’t make excuses for anyone. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t cheat. But when given the choice between stewing in resentment toward their wife for condemning them to a life without physical satisfaction, completely dissolving their marriage, falling in love with someone else, and seeing me to keep the rest of their union functional and whole...I have to say I believe I am the best option. If everything else about your marriage is satisfactory, why create such drama, turmoil, and upheaval instead of quietly meeting those needs elsewhere?
Wives may get upset to find out their husband sees an escort. However, when they explain the exact nature of the betrayal, I have noticed they rarely focus on the sexual activity. It is the fact they pay for it. So it is diverting his money, a resource meant to support her, that they find so offensive. The commitment between them entitles her to his emotional and financial support, as well as sexual fidelity. But the sexual fidelity is secondary to them. Since they have little interest in sex to begin with, his diversion of that activity to someone else is not as problematic to them as the diversion of resources meant to be shared with her.
And to that I argue this: would a wife rather her husband have a full out affair, with all the emotional attachment and passionate romance that accompanies it, or have a narrowly limited financially transactional experience with a woman with no connection that he ceases to think about the moment it’s purpose is realized? If she withholds sex, an important part of any functioning monogamous relationship, then it is only fair that eventually some aspect of his duties is withheld from her in one way or another. In an affair, his affection, emotional intimacy, and love is withheld. Hiring an escort, it is merely a relatively small sum of money which is withheld. Long term relationships involve compromise and fairness. If one party wants to dictate all the parameters of the relationship without any sacrifices on their part, that is unreasonable. In exchange for demanding a sexless marriage, sometimes one must be prepared for sexual needs to be met by another outlet.
Because I am a woman, but my job also involves being a firsthand witness to these dynamics, I understand both perspectives. In my personal life, in a committed relationship, I make sure that my partner’s sexual needs are met. Even when I may not feel particularly passionate or have a strong desire to have sex, I still make a point to satisfy the needs of my partner. Because that is what you do when you love someone. It is unfair to expect someone to turn off their sexuality because you are unwilling to put in the effort doing something purely for their benefit. That is selfish.
It is my belief that escorts save more marriages than they have doomed. Married men would seek lovers to engage in these desires for free if they did not value the union they share with their wives. They would be willing to divert their affection, emotional support, and commitment if they did not intend to keep those things exclusively for their wives. When married men come to see me, our encounter is limited to the time they are there, and when we part ways they go back home to their wives and continue their duties, refreshed by their needs being satisfied.
My job may be morally questionable to a lot of people, but I enjoy it and it meets my needs. I am not in a place to tell any of my clients what is right or wrong in their personal relationships. In fact, I am happy to provide an outlet for these sexual needs to be met outside of the context of romantic relationships or risky hook ups. As long as men have needs that need to be satisfied in a simple, straightforward way, I’ll be here to meet them.